Dawn of the deadlift?
Okay, we’ll stop.
But with Halloween and Día de Muertos (Day of the Dead) just around the corner, we thought we’d pay homage to some of the scary shit we’ve seen in the gym.
People who use the equipment without wiping it down afterwards are absolute monsters. There’s no excuse for it. No one wants to sit or slide their hand through someone else’s sweat.
This isn’t Ghostbusters.
You’re not Slimer.
You’re a grown adult competent enough (surely!?) to clean up the mess you’ve made. Use a towel and ta-dah – done!
If we wrote horror scripts, these sweat-and-go types would be the first to get shredded in the carpark by a werewolf. There’s nothing like a little lycanthrope justice for inconsiderate gym rats.
Masks are a must-have Halloween accessory but for some gym-goers, they’re a year-round homage to their favourite DC villain. “No one cared who I was until I put on the mask,” Says Sadie, preparing for her first 5K. What is with training masks? Anthony Joshua used them in his workouts but what are they?
Training masks restrict airflow to make the lungs work harder and according to Men’s Health magazine, they’re popular with runners.
You might expect to see someone wearing a training mask on a treadmill in the gym but what about the unsuspecting public outside? Imagine minding your own business, walking your dog at night, and someone runs towards you as though there’s a chemical spill or viral outbreak behind them.
Some people bought into Tom Hardy’s diet and exercise regimen to get hench but others were obviously more inspired by an overall ‘Bane’ aesthetic.
- Horror movies are usually filled with screams and shrieks. Sometimes it’s on-screen with the victim running across a midnight cornfield pursued by an axe-wielding maniac. Other times, it’ll be the person sitting behind you in the cinema or someone next to you on the sofa who’s calling out or gasping in fear. Shrieking, groaning, screaming, theatrical gasping and moaning are fine during an Evil Dead night but there’s hardly a need for it in a public gym. You’re lifting weights at a Fitness First, mate, not the Overlook Hotel. But that doesn’t stop people making overexaggerated noises for the benefit (annoyance) of everyone else.
Is he possessed? Has he been struck by some cataclysmic vision? Is there a zombie, vengeful ghost or bipedal wolfman standing behind him at the mirror?
It’s just a man telling you that he’s there (in case you’d forgotten or hadn’t noticed). So don’t zone-out when you’re on the treadmill or bike, and don’t focus too acutely when you’re lifting, because just when you least expect a grown man to start groaning and howling right behind you will inevitably be when he’ll start.
- Wearing your favourite on or over-ear headphones in the gym seems like a good idea until you realise the cushions now smell like that body your neighbour is hiding in his basement. Sweat that seeps and then settles inside synthetic leather can be a nightmare to get out. Keep sweating in them and it’ll kill your sound, too. To avoid the horror show of sweat-damage on your headphones, add a pair of sweat-resistant headphone covers.
- Some people treat gym changing rooms as though it’s their own private bathroom but the absolute worst are guys who use the hand dryers to dry their junk. Not only is it enough to give people nightmares but it’s also really unhygienic. People that do this deserve to float down in the sewer with Pennywise.
- One minute you’re minding your own business. You might be sitting quietly, lacing up your shoes in the changing room ready to leave after your workout. Or you might be trying to focus on your reps or aiming to beat a PB. You may not even be in the gym but in the premises directly below it engaging in conversation, daydreaming, browsing, doing whatever, and then just like in the movies, in the seconds before all hell breaks loose when you’re mind is elsewhere
The earth moves because some absolute clown has dropped their weights making it sound as if Jack Nicholson is throwing his weight at your locked door.
Dropping weights like that is unnecessary and irritating. It makes a loud noise. It makes people jump. It’s dangerous and it can cause damage both the weights themselves and to the floor. The culprit is probably our friend from point number 3 – the Frankenstein impersonator who can’t keep his groaning to himself. He definitely deserves a dream visit from Freddie.
- People sweat in the gym and that’s to be expected (so long as it’s not all over the equipment), but some people have a hygiene issue that can haunt an area long after they’ve moved on. Sweaty gym clothes can sometimes be the culprit. We’ve probably all tried to resurrect a used kit between washes but if it fails a basic sniff test at home then it isn’t going to stand up in the gym. People working out are running, lifting and training with their mouths and noses wide open so it’s not cool to arrive at the gym smelling like a post-murder Buffalo Bill.
The gym should be a sanctuary, a place where we go to exorcise our demons and exercise our bodies and minds but sometimes, just sometimes, it can be a real horror show. Drop us a comment below and share your frightening gym tales.
If your love of the macabre goes beyond Halloween, then lookout for the new EarHugz range. There’s a special Day of the Dead headphone cover that’s going to be released on October 31st with other designs following shortly afterwards. Follow EarHugz on Instagram for more information.